Episode Resources
- Follow me on Spotify
- Follow me on Apple Music
- Listen to “Thank You”
- Ayurveda Series 1
- Ayurveda Series 2
- Radical Honesty Series – Your Questions Answered Part 1
- 1 Giant Mind
- How To Be A ‘Superior’ Man
- How To Become A ‘Conscious Ejaculator’
- Sex As An Act Of Service
- My Wellness Essentials
- The Multi Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia
- dōTERRA Healing Hands Foundation™
My most downloaded episode to date has been from my Radical Honesty Series where I answered all of your questions, so today I’ve decided to do it again. These are your questions on any topic you’d like, answered with complete radical honesty.
Welcome back to the show. I’m your host, Nick Broadhurst, and that song you are listening to is a remix of my single ‘Thank you’ and it’s by the amazing artist, Ether Glow. You can catch the full song on my debut album, which is now out on all music platforms, so please head into Spotify or Apple music and add it to your library.
Now, before we get started answering your questions with radical honesty, I wanted to read a review because this person, Joey Mags, has asked me a question, which I’m going to do an episode on. So remember, if you ever have any ideas, you can also leave them in iTunes for me along with your review.
So Joey said, “I’ve just discovered Nick Broadhurst and I’m thrilled to enjoy it on my daily walk around the neighborhood. If you’re after a podcast that steps outside the normal box of thinking, inspires you to be a better person for you and your partner, while at the same time telling you that it’s your God-given damn right to be fully happy and of service, loving yet indulgent, respectful to yourself, then these 10-minute podcasts are for you.
I love thinking unlike others. I love looking up items, you’ve spoken about, googling and borrowing books from the library that you recommend. I love the way that you love Melissa. I love your sounds. I love your message that our only purpose in this world is to be loving and giving, and I love that nobody knows about it that I know so I keep it to myself for.”
Come on, Joey. Share it around.
“I want more. I love hearing how you live your day, your call lists, and how you manage to fit in what works for you and your life. Podcast suggestion: How have you influenced Leo’s life with your lifestyle and how that fits in with your life? Leo’s life when he stays with you and when he stays with his mother. Kids are incredible teachers and although your podcast focuses on adult issues per se, it would be nice to hear how it affects families on an everyday level. Maybe do an episode on the life of Leo. Keep doing what you’re doing.”
Yes, that is really supportive. Thank you, Joey, because I actually have an episode coming up on this. It’s going to be episode number 87, “How to raise empowered children”. That’s coming up very, very soon. Thank you very much for your amazing review and your suggestion. And without further ado, let’s dive into the first question which is on this topic and it comes from Anabel.
Anabel says, “Do you ever feel like you’re effing up as a parent? I do on my two boys, but I’m a sole parent and when I’m with them it’s overwhelming and rushed and chaos. I’m suffocating as I’m trying my best not to be the victim, but I want desperately to have helped so I can enjoy them and then me. Family holidays have died with the dream, weekend outings, and the rest. Do you ever feel like you’re effing as a parent?”
Okay. Well, I think the core question there is really, do I ever feel like I’m effing up as a parent? This is so relevant right now. It’s not funny and I’m going to do a podcast on this, but I wanted to just say, “Yes all the time!” All the time. Now, Melissa thinks I’m crazy. She thinks I’m a great dad. I’m sure I am on lots of levels, but Leo is such an amazing teacher and I feel like I have completely effed up. But he’s such a beautiful kid and clearly between Melissa, myself and his mother, Dana, we must be doing something right because he is so beautiful now and lately, I think he was born, very much, a very light, beautiful conscious little soul.
But at the same time, you know, it’s a team effort and in terms of effing up, I’m going to have to say that there have been moments where I really do feel like I have failed Leo. I have acted from a place that is not from love. I have treated him in a way which, you know, might stay with him for a little while. I hope not because kids tend to forget things pretty quickly, but look, you just never know. And so it’s tough, but I do feel like I’m getting my head around it.
Leo is 12. It’s taking me a long time and I think I go through periods, almost like seasons, with my parenting where I feel like I’m a better parent sometimes. And then other times I feel like I’m really crappy and that tends to go along with whatever is happening in my life, you know. When I’m particularly overwhelmed, ‘overwhelmed’ is a real killer because ‘overwhelmed’ just means you can’t think straight. So, when you’ve got a lot going on in your life and then your kid comes to you with a challenge or an emotion or just trying to get your attention and does that by being a bit cheeky or whatever you want to call it. It’s really hard to hold space for them when you’re feeling overwhelmed. So, I think the most important thing, for me, is that I have to stay balanced to be of service to Leo. I have to find a way to stay balanced because when I’m balanced, I’m a much better parent.
So everything I talk about in the Nick Broadhurst show is really about achieving balance. And I don’t do it all the time. I’d never come on the show and say that I’m some freaking perfect person preaching from the ivory tower, my God, so far from the truth. The last couple of weeks for me have been so freaking stressful and I created it. I created that and it’s left me being a pretty average parent and a pretty average husband. Actually, luckily, I’ve been away so I haven’t been around Leo too much when I’ve been in this space.
But today I get to fly out to Greece! Oh, my God! I’m so excited and it’s the first time I’ve taken Leo overseas and we have three weeks of play and I’m going to be talking about play in episode number 87. So, Anabel yes, I do feel like I eff up as a parent. I’m not giving specific tips here other than staying balanced because I’m going to do a whole episode on that. So stay tuned.
The next one comes from Jane Pea and she asks, “Do you and Melissa ever fight? And if so, how do you move through it?”
Okay. I love this question because of course, we do. Of course. I’ve just finished shooting a music video yesterday and it was brutal, so brutal. It’s my song, ‘Always You’, and I had one day to learn some really pretty complicated choreography or ‘chori’ as they call it or ‘choreo’ as they call it in the UK apparently. And yesterday we filmed and there was a scene where I’m getting pulled and I have to fall on the floor from standing up and I did it maybe 30 times. My hands this morning are so bruised and then we did this scene where I literally did this full-on matrix move. Melissa thought there was a stunt person because it was so cool. Where I run up the wall, do this full-on spin and land in, like, a matrix position. It’s like this sort of form of self-torture because every time I don’t nail the take I’ve got to redo it.
So I was doing that in these leather shoes with no socks and landing on concrete. So I feel really sore today.
But last night I came home, I did feel like I literally played a game of rugby for the first time. I was so beaten up and so sore and just kind of doing my best to stay relatively nice. I came home. Melissa had been away for five weeks, walks in to, literally, about 40 packages that had been sent to us. There were just boxes everywhere and she was working through that and unpacking and trying to make dinner for me and pack to go to Greece today, which is all completely first world problems. Let’s face it. But, you know, it’s all relative and she was a little bit, sort of, stressed and I was a bit grumpy and I held it together for about 10 minutes. And then Melissa asked me to do something and I’m just like, “How can you ask me to do that? I’ve been doing this all day. I’ve been doing that. Don’t you know how tired I am?” You know, me, me, me, me, me, totally lame.
To be honest, there’s never an excuse to be an asshole. Yes, we are going to get stressed. We are going to feel imbalanced and it’s okay. We can’t beat ourselves up if we are ever average or horrible to our partner. We have to find a way to come back to our truth as quickly as possible. And in those moments, and I find this with more and more years in meditation. You become the observer. You become the witness. This scene is playing out and from almost another dimension; I’m sitting here, or standing there, watching myself be a complete asshole thinking, “You’re just being a complete asshole” and very aware that I’m not in my truth and I think that is one of the most powerful things for meditation is becoming the witness-er or the witness, I should say, and being able to see yourself in this situation. So whenever I have a fight with Melissa, the good thing is we tend to be able to move through that very quickly.
What happens if we don’t move through it? It’s usually because we are not connecting on a daily basis – if we haven’t made love or if we haven’t had time for a cuddle. Now, this morning, as I said, we’re packing for Greece, I’ve got two episodes to do before I go and a lot of other things. So the pressure’s on. Oh, and my album comes out today even though it came out a different day, technically. Chronologically, it’s actually today as I’m recording this and so there’s a lot to do. We still just had that moment of five or 10 minutes this morning saying what we’re grateful for, having a cuddle and a kiss and getting out of bed. We didn’t get to make love, but we got that little moment, right?
So, as long as we’re doing that, we can always reconcile pretty quickly and come back to our truth. So how do we move through it? It always takes one person to yield. I know I’ve spoken about this a lot. One person has to yield and I’m not going to say be the bigger person, just be the person. Be a human being in this situation. So what do I mean by yielding? I mean one person has to recognize that it’s going to take someone to surrender their preferences in that moment in order to bring the unity back. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to surrender a preference to the extent that it’s detrimental to yourself. It might mean I’m going to surrender my preference for whatever it was that Melissa asked me to do last night and just go and do it and say, “You know what, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I could’ve just gotten up. I didn’t feel like it. To be perfectly honest with you, if I’m practicing crystal-clear communication right now, I didn’t feel like doing what you asked me to do, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to speak to you the way I did. And I’m really sorry. I apologize. And I’d like to give you a hug.” And just give them a hug and a kiss. It’s always going to come back to crystal-clear communication. And it’s always gonna come back to someone yielding. Always. Every time.
Amongst those moments there is the glue. Okay? You’ve got the love, which is the bricks of the house of love. But the glue which holds the bricks together is intimacy, is sex. So if you’re not having frequent sex, when I say sex, I mean like juicy lovemaking, you know you’re not just having orgasms, you’re feeling into each other, you’re looking into each other’s eyes, you’re breathing into each other. The masculine is there, of service, and is literally breathing love and God into his partner, right? That’s the juiciness that we want to get to with our partners. As long as you’re doing that in the moments where you can, then you’re going to have enough love and compassion to be able to see when you’re being an absolute jerk. Yield, practice crystal-clear communication and move through it. Are we ever perfect? No. Sometimes I’m good at it and sometimes I suck and it might drag on for way longer than it needs to.
We had about four days in Noosa recently where I just didn’t yield and nor did Melissa. We just didn’t yield and we hadn’t made love and it’s like ridiculous. And it’s like one morning, it gets to a point where it’s a pain point it’s like, this is interrupting my day, now. This is not flowing. This is interrupting my day, I need to seriously lift my freaking game and move through this right now. So I wake up in the morning and it’s like, okay, those four or five days, we hadn’t made love which means now, I’m going to have to spend more time softening my woman, opening her up. So we’re in bed. I have to spend the time to now gently open her, gently open, gently open, bring some intimacy back in and slowly move back towards a point of connection where we can make love. And it takes time, right? Because I had neglected that for a while. In fact, I think it had been about a week, which is unusual for us. So, it’s like when you put off intimacy, you’re just creating way more work for yourself in the future to get back the unity and in the process, in between those moments you’re creating tension.
Humans are just so silly sometimes. We learn. We forget. We learned what we remember. We forget. We remember, we forget. There’s a book called, “We learn nothing”. I think it’s quite funny. I got halfway through it and realized, look, I know what this book’s talking about. It’s not so much about learning. It’s we remember stuff and we forget it. We remember, and we forget it. I think when it comes to intimacy, it’s the very first thing. We tend to just neglect like it’s okay to neglect our parent. Whoops, well, it’s not okay to neglect our parent. Sorry, our lover. It’s not okay. It’s just not okay. It’s okay if you want to have an average relationship, but if you want to have a good relationship, it’s not okay. So yes, we do fight and it’s not ‘fight, fight’. It’s like we speak not-so-nicely to each other and it can be raised-volume and a bit aggressive and then we have those tools to move through it. Remember the saying, “nothing good comes from closing”. Nothing good comes from closing. The masculine in this moment and can just stand firm and go, “Whoops, I’m witnessing myself being the freaking jerk, douche bag right now and I’m closed, but I’m just going to face my woman. I’m going to open my chest. I’m going to stare her in the eyes. I’m going to say,
‘Darling, I’m sorry. I love you. I’m here for you and can we please move through this now and I’m just going to start by giving you a hug. Is that okay?’
‘Sure.’
‘Okay.'”
Next question. Emily Kirk has three questions. “Hi Nick, I love your podcast.” Actually, she said, “I love, love your podcast”, double love. “It’s the highlight of my day and the spring in my step”. Thank you. “Not just your words or your work, but whatever creation in whatever medium you’re hands are laid on your soul and your essence, truly, truly resonates with me. I wish there were more guys and people in general like you in the world.” That’s very sweet. “You are unafraid to create, to show parts of feminine energy and embrace Melissa and her body. Say thank you. I have three questions I’ve always wanted to ask you. I was unsure if there was a theme to the Q and A you were going with, but of course, you can simply choose the one which best fits.” Alright, I haven’t read these questions, so let’s see which one fits.
“What are things people need to do the inner work on before episode 21?”
So episode 21 is where I start my Ayurveda Series One and it talks about body types. Well, I don’t think you need to do any work, to be honest. Before episode 21, I think understanding your primary dosha, your constitution is incredibly powerful. I always say it’s like being given the keys to the matrix. I was telling someone this yesterday, actually, Jason Winters, my choreographer. I was talking to him about Ayurveda and then we looked across and I mentioned the word “matrix”. Then we looked across and “matrix” was written on the wall. So weird. It was at Fox Studios where they filmed, The Matrix, which was why. But anyway, no, you don’t need to do any inner work before that. However, I do believe the one practice that everyone, Oh God, I’m going to say the word “should” only because this is your birthright, right?
We all have this tool within us, this capacity within us to find deep, deep, deep rest and awaken an inner intelligence which is going to elevate our life on all levels from our health and our abundance of love, spirituality, everything. And that is meditation, right? There are different types of meditation but the mantra-based meditation that we do, Vedic meditation, also known as transcendental meditation. There are slight differences, but are essentially very, very similar, is going to remove a lot of stuff that stuck to you through the years that covers your light.
I’m going to do an episode on this as well in the future called, “What is enlightenment?” I’m going to talk about enlightenment from an everyday perspective and how everybody is enlightening, right?
Everyone’s going through the process and meditation is what we can all do on a daily basis to start removing some of those layers that have stuck to us through our conditioning and our parents, our experiences, everything, our relationships, our own relationship with ourselves. We start removing some of the things that have stuck to us and we become, I don’t want to say clean up. But if you just imagine like you’ve had mud that stuck to you over the years and you start washing some of that stuff off and you can start to see yourself more clearly. Right? So episode 21, knowing your body type is all really about getting to know and embracing yourself on all levels. Understanding that, loving that, knowing that and when we are doing this work, we have the capacity to see things quicker, to pick up things quicker, to pivot quicker, to see when we’re imbalanced. Right?
I know the last few weeks I’ve been very imbalanced, right? I know it and I’ve been able to maintain a semblance of normalcy as a human being. As I work through an incredible amount of things leading up to my album and music videos, new website, new show, so much stuff, right? I’ve been able to do that even though it hasn’t been perfect. I have been an asshole at times, but I’ve been able to do it because I have awakened that witness, so I can become the observer.
So my suggestion to everyone listening is to embrace a meditation practice. I don’t believe there’s anything more important you can do for your life than meditation. 100%. I hope that sinks in.
Question two was, “How do you stay true to yourself in the music industry when you’ve seen major label success in the past and may miss it at times?”
That’s so interesting. This is a very good question. Yes, I’ve had major label success with my first band, Sneaky Sound System, and it was great. I was the baby of the band. I was very managed. I was part of the machine even though we built it ourselves, from scratch. It was freaking hard work for seven years. Like I cannot tell you how hard we worked to earn that. It didn’t come out of nowhere. We dug it out of absolutely nothing. Four people with no experience in the music industry coming together and creating something really special. It was hard, hard work, right? I’m not gonna lie to you. Thousands and thousands of hours in nightclubs, smokey nightclubs back then as well because you could smoke. It was hard work staying till six in the morning. But anyway, that was a bit off topic. But do I miss major label success? Well, it depends on how you define success, right?
My music, that I’m creating now, touches people in a way that I’ve never done before. So, to me, that is success. I spoke to my good friend, Johnny Pollard from One Giant Mind, and somewhat of a spiritual mentor for me. And I said to him, “I feel like I’m creating this really heartfelt beautiful music.” I know people love it. They’re obsessed with it a lot of the time like people tend to find it and then grab onto it and just play over and over again, which is the greatest compliment I can have. But what’s interesting is that I mean, “Little Lover” has had over 7 million streams. I’ve had over 11 million streams on Spotify, I think 12 million now. I’ve signed with an incredible label in New York and I’ve done a sold-out tour, like, life’s good. But I see other music with 100 million streams and people with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of followers. And I think, “What am I doing? What am I missing here?” Right?
And he said to me, “Nick, you’ve had 12 million people listen to your music. Do you know how impactful that is? 12 million people. That’s nothing to not be proud of. That’s an incredible achievement. And you have to also remember that your music is going to attract the people who are ready for it. It vibrates at a certain frequency that is going to attract people at a certain stage or journey in their life. There’s a level of consciousness that’s going to attract that level of consciousness and not every single person on this planet is there, right?”
So I have to practice full surrender with my career and just know that I’m exactly where I need to be and as long as people are being moved by it and sharing it on social media and I can see that they’re moved and they’re touched. For me right now, that’s enough. Would I like hundreds of millions of streams? Millions of followers? Yes. But from the perspective of only because I know, that with that exposure, I feel like I can have a really positive impact on people’s lives. It’s not about money or anything like that. To be honest, more listeners and more followers mean more touring and more countries. That to me excites the absolute pants off me, you know. It’s touring. I’m planning a tour in Europe soon as well, which is going to be amazing because most of my audience actually listen from Norway and those countries. I don’t miss that type of success because this is born out of my truth and it’s born out of service to myself and service to others and it feels freaking amazing to just be able to do what I love and just let it be whatever it’s going to be. It’s full surrender.
It’s like, “Okay, I’ve created it. I’ve plopped it out there into consciousness. Now let’s see what happens.” Melissa and I marvel sometimes like, “How am I at 9,000 followers? Why isn’t it more than that?”
It just comes back to the same thing. I just have to accept that I’m going to attract people at a certain level of consciousness and it’s not a high level. Like I’m not trying to sound superior. It’s just that everyone vibrates at different levels and I’m going to attract people who are somewhat unified with where I’m at. So there you go. That’s my thoughts on that.
And the last question was, “Have you ever thought of writing a book about the spiritual journey you’ve been through during your season of depression?”
Yeah, look, I mean my season of depression was pretty brief, really. It was about 12 months. I call it depression because it’s the easiest thing for people to relate to. It makes sense straight away. It paints a picture, a very powerful picture. But ultimately that year for me, to some extent, came from my meditation. When you peel back all those layers, you reach a point where you are bare and exposed. You have purged enough that you are no longer able to hide amongst what you were hiding amongst. You can’t use those layers anymore to be anything other than what you truly are. That process, for me, it was a process of purging, letting go of who I was to become who I am. That process of letting go is very painful sometimes. Not always. Sometimes it’s brief. Sometimes it’s long. There was a level of resistance from me that obviously kept me in that state of depression, from moving into who I am now and I’m a much more, what’s the word? I’m a much more truthful and loving person now. As a result of going through that experience. I can’t imagine being back there. Would I write a book about that? No, I don’t see myself as an expert on depression, that’s for sure. I see myself as an expert on life because we all are. We’re all experts on life.
I do have a vision for writing a book called “Shortcuts”, which I’m pretty excited about. So I’ve thought about this. It would be putting something else onto my plate and that plate is very full, but it’s gonna happen. So stay tuned for that.
All right. Peter Saxby has asked, “Hi Nick, your life can look pretty perfect, especially with a wife like Melissa.” Yes, that’s true. “Do you ever worry that you set the bar too high for other people and make them feel inferior or unworthy of true love and abundance?”
Peter Saxby. Wow. What a question. Okay. I’m going to revisit this. Do I ever worry that I’ve set the bar too high for other people and make them feel inferior or unworthy of true love and abundance?
No. Absolutely not. No. My first instinct when I read that was I, sort of, shrunk a little bit. But now it’s like, “no god, no, I’m not going to shrink. I’m going to present life as it.”
The good thing is if I presented only the shiny stuff, then I would be doing you a massive disservice. But you guys know that I don’t do that. I don’t do that on my Instagram, on my podcast. I bear all, all the time. So I don’t feel like I’m setting the bar high because I’m actually showing the polarity all the time, the support and the challenge. So no, I don’t think that. I think celebrating the shiny moments and posting that on Instagram is a beautiful thing if you balance it out with the other stuff as well. If you read my posts, I might post a photo that looks cool sometimes, but then below that is talking about the reality behind that photo.
I did one recently where Melissa and I did a Selfie and then I wrote about how we had a fight about taking that selfie. You know, so no. I don’t think I’m setting the bar too high. I think it’s really nice to have people in your life that you look up to that are inspiring for you. That is something to aspire to work towards and that might be asked by some people and I’ve got my people who inspire me, right? So we’ve all got different levels and if I can be of service to someone by sharing my life, then that’s a good thing. I don’t feel like there’s anything that I do that should make people feel inferior or unworthy of true love because we are showing the support and challenge always. There should be no inferiority there. The true love should really be amplified because we’re demonstrating what it means to be in a conscious relationship and what true love looks like. That is, as I said before, it’s 50/50, support and challenge. So I hope that answers your question, Peter Saxby.
Steph Panther! You know what? I haven’t read most of these questions. So these are a complete surprise to me. So I’m loving this. “Hey Nick, first of all, I absolutely love your podcast, music, and content and I’m a massive fan also of your gorgeous wife too.”
Yep. I know that it’s a common theme.
“For the next Q and A, I’d love to ask you a question. How do you both deal with different levels of fear when doing something new in business or in life? I’m also a coach and understand this is inevitable and there is always another level, but I’d love to know how do you push through the discomfort and what do you do when you feel stuck? Any techniques, cool strategies you might be able to share to be able to nip fear in the bud so we can get on with it? Much love and gratitude, Stephie.”
Thanks, Stephie. Okay. Fear. I can relate to this from the perspective that I’ve been there and I still go there sometimes, so how did I move through the fear? I think, first of all, I’m going to come back to meditation. Meditation allows you to see yourself and to see your truth, to be very clear on what it is you want to create in this life. It allows you to tap into your intuition and when that intuition becomes stronger and stronger. You know what it is that you want to do from the right place, and fear becomes that obstacle that is no longer acceptable because it’s not worth the cost of getting in the way of the thing that you can now see clearly. So meditation, I believe, is going to be the technique and the strategy that is going to help you the best, the most, right? Because it’s going to do the work of peeling back the layers, but it’s also gonna allow you every day, twice a day, if you do Vedic meditation. At the end of the meditation, just spend some time just feeling into what it is you want to create and that feeling sensation genuinely will leave you in a state which is going to allow you to take inspired action, right? It’s okay to have discomfort. 100%. It’s all good. But I do believe meditation is the primary tool for that. So how do you push through the discomfort when you feel stuck? I’m afraid there is always going to be an element of resistance to something which is really important to you. The more uncomfortable you feel, the more important that it is, right? And often the more resistance you may have. Okay?
Think of it as an elastic band holding you back. The resistance against you, you have to push harder to break through that when something’s really important to you, not always. Some people just do what’s true to them and it comes naturally, but there’s going to be an element of just freaking getting on with it. Seriously, just feeling the fear and doing it anyway. That classic saying, right? Sometimes it gets to a pain point where the pain is too big and you just are like, “Oh my God, if I don’t do this, I swear to God, I’m just going to freaking like implode.” We don’t want to get there. If there’s something you want to do in your life right now, do this. Okay? You can probably hear my stomach rumbling in the background. It’s 7:00 AM and I got up and went straight to my podcast and I’m quite hungry. I’m going to have a drink of water because my mouth’s getting dry.
So coming back to that, if there’s something that you want to achieve in your life, get very clear on one thing. What is the next step you need to take? It’s really good if you can map out the whole thing. Sure. Go for it. And I speak about productivity without the push and how I moved through lots of different things and jobs and tasks by using a system called “Getting things done” which maps out all the steps you have to do to achieve a certain project, but right now, and just focus on what is the next single step you need to take, right? It could be as simple as sending an email or making a phone call or investing in a piano or whatever it is. What is the next step you need to take? One thing.
Everyone listening to this podcast probably has something that they want to do with their life, so if you do. Right now, what is the one thing you need to do to move forward towards your goal, your dream, your purpose, your passion? Write it down, and do it today. Not Tomorrow. Do it today.
Okay? That’s it.
And then tomorrow. What’s the next thing you need to do? Do it. Stop bullshitting yourself. Just do it. Don’t make it so hard on yourself. Just freaking do it. That’s my advice. I could get super-duper esoteric and spiritual on you on that one, but at the end of the day sometimes to move things forward, you just kind of have to move things forward.
The next question is pretty personal, so I’ll leave it anonymous. “Hi Nick. I would like your perspective as a conscious male and on how important it is for a male to embody his masculine energy. I see many relationships and the demise of my engagement showing cracks and massive challenges when the woman is riding her man hard and not in an awesome sexual way. Winky face.”
Wearing the pants and he’s under her thumb, etcetera, etcetera. And in the end, her man is emasculated, he feels insecure, quite resentful. He loses that feeling of knowing he makes her happy just by being with her.
“How does a male create those boundaries to protect his masculine energy when his women may be to consistently inner masculine? How important is it for a man to feel he’s able to contribute, be productive, provide, and all those wonderful qualities he brings when he is in his energy? What is the challenge? When a man feels imbalanced in his energies, at the very worst, would a man feel he just needs to leave and find himself again? I hope you get that out of this question. I appreciate hearing your reply.”
Okay. There are lots of parts to this. So the first thing is how important is it for a male to embody his masculine energy? It’s just as important as embodying his feminine. We can’t forget that. We are yin-yang. We are masculine and feminine. Now, I used to be embodied in the feminine more, thinking that I was actually embodied in the masculine because I was out there in a corporate job doing the male thing. The stereotypical male thing. I wasn’t actually embodying the masculine. I thought that having had sex in like, you know, all that sort of stuff as masculine. It wasn’t masculine. That was bullshit. So yes, it’s incredibly important for men to embody their masculine, but they have to understand what that actually means. And I’ve spoken about this in my episode, “How to be a superior man”, which was episode 62, right? So I won’t go into that in too much detail, but it’s very important. But you have to embrace both sides.
Your next question is, I see men relationships falling apart, etcetera, etcetera. You speak about being emasculated. Look, it’s up to both people in a relationship to play their role. It’s up to the female to embrace their feminine as well as their masculine. Okay? Everyone has their own natural balance between those two energies. It’s up to her to embody the feminine in the way that is true for her. Now, if her work involves her being a very masculine space, which often is the case with a lot of jobs these days. Then it’s recognizing that when she comes home, it’s time to leave the pants at the door, soften and allow her man to be in his masculine. So there are things you can do.
You can, first of all, have crystal-clear communication. And the trick here is that both people want to have to do the work. It’s going to be no good if one person said, I really would like you to come home and it’s been more feminine. It’s like, “what?” Slap. That’s not going to go down very well. So both people have to want to do the work. So crystal-clear communication, expressing what’s important to you, but always, always, it’s gonna come down to you leading by example, right? You doing the work. You understanding what it means to be masculine. You embodying that in a way that’s true for you. You inspiring the feminine and nurturing the feminine out of her, right? If you’re feeling emasculated, then you need to step up. Because let’s say your partner comes home one day, she’s got her pants on. You stand there, firm and strong. You give her a hug. You tell her you love her. You look her in the eyes. You push her against the wall, not too hard. You give her the most heartfelt kiss and you say, “baby, do you know how beautiful you are? I freaking love you so much. Thank you for coming home. Thank you for being in this house with me. You mean the world to me.
You inspire me so much. You make me want to be a better person. I love you.” Right?
What’s going to happen to the masculine component that she has brought home? Is she gonna soften? Absolutely. And you do that by leading by example. You cannot blame the other person for anything. You are responsible for everything that is going on in your life. It’s a co-creation of course, but you have to play your role. You have to lead by example. If you want your partner to be more feminine, to soften towards you, then you need to lead by example. How can you gently bring that out of her, right? And making love is going to help. If you want more love, more polarity in your life, you need to create the polarity. How do you do that? You know who you are. You stand firm in who you are. You inspire the feminine out of her. It’s always gonna. Come back to leading by example, right?
If you’re feeling secure, you feeling quiet, resentful and even lost that feeling that your presence makes her happy. Then, how are you being insecure, quiet and resentful towards yourself? Use her as a mirror, not as the problem. Use her as a shiny mirror that’s reflecting back all the things that you need to work on within yourself and do the work. So I think I’ve answered most of your questions there.
The other part was “how important is it for a man to feel that he’s able to contribute and be productive, provide and all those wonderful qualities he brings when he is in his energy?” Let’s be clear on this. The man does not have to be the one who makes the money. The man just needs to understand his masculine role. His feminine role. He needs to understand the energy within himself so he can project that into the relationship.
I’ve used the example of my cousin who was a six foot six, hugely strong professional rugby union and rugby league player. Very successful. He was obviously in a very, very masculine space for a long time. He retired and he became a stay at home dad and him and his wife changed roles. She went out into the world and she works at Google now and it worked for them, right? But he was still in his masculinity. He was still strong. He didn’t have to be the one physically bringing money in the door. He was contributing in his own way. So everyone’s gonna have their own way that they contribute. Just do it in a way that’s true for you and understand your role as a man and as a woman. If you’re a woman listening to this podcast, just understand your role, understand the energies within you, and lead by example. Okay.
Moving on. Terri P, “I’ve heard you mentioned the cervical orgasm a few times. To be honest, this is all new to me.”
Terri’s spelled with an I, so I’m assuming this is a woman.
“Can you please tell us more about it and how a woman can move towards this experience? I feel like I’m missing out. And you always give Melissa this experience or is it just sometimes?”
Well, we obviously had to build up to it. We were quite quick in some senses, but I had done a lot of work on this topic before we met and I was just ready to have the right partner who was open enough to go there and Melissa was open enough. Yes, it does happen every time, but we had to nurture that. It was almost like once you get there, the floodgates open. It’s really interesting because you can’t get there without a level of openness in the first place, but once you’ve opened, you’re open. It is an incredibly powerful part of the body for the female and for the male because for the male to be able to support the woman in having that experience, to be of service to open her up to that depth is such a powerful thing for the man. I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to be able to serve Melissa in that way. To be able to give her the experience that is like being taken to God.
It is so beautiful. So amazing and how do you do it? I’m going to do a whole episode on that because it’s just so important. But I do believe that every woman can move towards that experience, Terri. It’s going to be more challenging for others, but it just depends on your experiences and where you’re holding any trauma or any emotion because a lot of trauma gets held in that part of the body and there was a practice called “de-armoring” which you can look up and you can do it yourself or you can have other people do it, in fact. But that would be tricky to find the right person unless it’s your partner, but it’s a part of the body that opens up almost like a portal to greater spirituality and greater source. That is why I’m going to do a full episode on that. So stay tuned.
Terry Shelby. Okay. “My question is about masturbation. It’s not really something many people can openly talk about.”
Shelby, we can talk about it on this show because there are no rules, so let’s do it.
“What is your opinion on masturbation while in a relationship? Does this mean people who masturbate in the secrecy of their partners are unhappy, not sexually pleased? What is your take on this masturbation done in secrecy? Well, it doesn’t have to be secret, but just doing it with your partner. Do you do it? Would you do it while your partner is at work or you just can’t wait for them to get home so you please yourself instead? What’s this all mean to you?”
Okay, so that was a little bit all over the place in terms of how it was written. So it didn’t flow particularly well the way that I read it out to you, but really what we’re talking about here is, is masturbation okay? And is it okay to do it in secret? No. I think that our sexual lives should never be a secret from our partners. Is it okay to masturbate? Of course, my gosh, absolutely. 100 percent. Especially, you know, men who are discovering this non-ejaculation path, which I speak about in “How to become a conscious ejaculator” in episode number 67. You know, I was at lunch recently with a new friend. This is just at lunch with Melissa and myself and him and his wife and he’s like, “Thank you so much for that episode. My God. It’s like changed everything. I was experimenting and when I was masturbating and it’s just been incredible.” And then his wife said, “Yeah, thank you. It’s been amazing.” There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. It should be spoken about very openly, right? Like I don’t know why it’s such a secret. It’s kind of crazy, but keeping anything as a secret from your partner is going to erode a level of trust. Simple as that. It may be unspoken, you may think you’re doing nothing wrong, but it is going to erode trust because that is always going to be there. That energy is always there. Address the core of the issue here, which is why do you think you can’t speak about masturbation? Why are you doing it? Is it coming from a place of love for yourself or fantasizing about other things and other people? You’re going to need to practice crystal-clear communication with your partner.
So let’s break this question down. What is your opinion on masturbation while in a relationship? It’s great. Do I do it a lot? No, I don’t. I don’t. I don’t feel the need. I used to a lot in other relationships and I’ve spoken about this before in the previous Radically Honest Series Q and A. In this relationship, I don’t because I don’t know. I just want to be of service to her. It’s just less of a thing for me now, for whatever reason. Does this mean people who masturbate in secrecy are unhappy or not sexually pleased? It depends. If you are fantasizing about other people that I would say, “Yes, you’re probably not sexually pleased”. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be, it means that you need to practice some crystal-clear communication. So hope that answers your question. Try it out with your partner. Do it together. You know, why not do it together? Why not? Why don’t do it in front of your partner, why not plumb the depths of your vulnerability and do it for your partner and see how that turns them on. I guarantee you there’ll be some firecrackers going off if you do it. So crystal-clear communication and read up on this topic.
Read “Dear Lover” and “The way of the superior man” and “The enlightened sex manual” and “The multi-orgasmic couple”, “The multi-orgasmic man”. Read these books and start to understand the role of yourself. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s gonna have a different level of libido as well. It sounds like you’ve got a great libido, which is awesome. Take that to your partner. Tell your partner you want to go deeper, right? It’s one of those beautiful things we can do with our partner that we can’t do with anyone else is to go deep. Really deep. So good.
Alright, next one is from Kirsty and she says, “I’ve just discovered your podcast. I’m on a bit of a recovery journey through anxiety, demons about food and self-acceptance. I sometimes just don’t know where to start because my habits are so tough to break. I’m also a new mom to a beautiful miracle called Molly Rose. She’s four months old. I’m sick of my struggles and I really found your podcast episode 17, “How to stop binge eating”, really helpful. I love, love, love to hear more about your experience and things you’ve tried in order to find something that works for you. I’m also listening to your Ayurveda series and finding it so interesting. Keep up the good work.”
Thanks, Kirsty. So Kirsty, I’m glad you’re listening to the Ayurveda stuff because I do believe that binge eating stems largely from imbalancing our doses. There could be some sort of neurosis around food, which I’m always sort of looking at that for myself as well. Being careful that I don’t have some sort of attachment. I think there is still some sort of programming there around food which I’m working on. How do I work on that? Meditate, right? Let the body heal itself. The body has an innate intelligence that knows exactly what to do when it’s given the chance and it gets this chance in a state of deep rest. You get that depressed from a specific form of meditation, which is Vedic meditation, right?
From my perspective, I tend to hang out in a state of Vata imbalance quite a lot. My mind is always going at a very fast pace. I, obviously, am very creative and I can just look at my feet and I know that I’m imbalanced because my heels are cracked. What do cracked heels mean? That’s a Vata imbalance, straight up. Where does Vata reside? Vata resides in the colon. Why do you get cracked heels? Because you’ve got Vata imbalance in the colon, right?
So understanding your dosha is so interesting and so important. As I said, it’s the keys to the matrix. And why does this matter when it comes to binge eating? Well, for me, when I binge eat, it’s really just overeating I guess, it’s my Vata trying to ground itself. So that is a sign like, “Well, why don’t I just eat half a jar of tiny?” Because I’m trying to ground myself, I’m in seeking fats and earthiness and grounding. Okay. I must be imbalanced right now. Cool. I can see it. I’m going to do the work. And you go back to the drawing board. You look at what you need to do to balance your dosha type and you do the work. And I’ve just done a whole series on that. I had Ayurveda series two, “How to balance Vata”, “How to Pitta”, “How to balance Kapha”. It’s all there for you. So I do think don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that everyone has different reasons for overeating, but sometimes it can be as simple as us trying to ground ourselves. It can also be an unbalance, for example, like a Kapha balance. The classic couch potato sitting there watching movies, eating ice cream? Classic Kapha. Heavy dense food like ice cream, cold and cooling for Kapha, which you know, is exacerbating their imbalance.
But if you understand that and you go, “Oh my God, I’m sitting on the couch eating ice cream and I’m putting weight on,” and you can see it, right? So understand your dosha. Really, really important. Dive into Ayurveda. I think that’s going to really help you a lot. So keep going on that path. It sounds like you’re doing great.
“Hi Nick. I’m married with four children. My husband constantly says he’s unhappy with his life. He then takes his anger and disappointment out on me by ignoring me or being rude and angry. He doesn’t talk to me about anything that bothers him. He only likes it when things run smoothly. I feel like he’s not the right person for me and I constantly question whether there is someone more suited. Please help.”
I’m leaving that one anonymous. So I think here, just the feeling I’m getting from the way this is written is that there was just no communication right here. It’s a communication breakdown. So I can’t give specific advice here. I don’t know your situation. Is it okay for anyone to take out their stuff on someone else? No, it’s not okay. Is it okay to be rude and angry? No, it’s not okay. It’s just a sign of a man who is not happy. Why isn’t he happy? Is he living a life of purpose and passion? It sounds like he’s not. So maybe having a conversation around his passion and his purpose and allowing him to express himself and tell you what’s important for him, right? Hold space for him to be vulnerable and practice crystal-clear communication because I can feel the energy in this question and there seems like very little communication going on here. It’s he, he, he, he, he all the way through, right?
This is a co-creation. So you’ve written “he, he, he, he, he”. What about “you, you, you, you, you”? Was that in the equation? What is he reflecting back for you? How is he being a mirror for you? How are you showing up? How are you going to lead by example today. Not tomorrow. Today. What can you do to lead by example, to nurture more crystal-clear communication, to bring intimacy back into the relationship and to encourage vulnerability for him to open up and express his deepest truth and desires to you? I hope that helps.
Tina says, “Hi, Nick. I love your podcast. It’s been so helpful in the short amount of time since I’ve found it. Here’s the question I would love for you to answer. How to deal or learn to live with family members who try and your energy? Of course, we love them, but is it justifiable to stop being around them?
Okay. This is about boundaries and crystal-clear communication. How communicate to them with love? What’s important to you? What’s acceptable to you and what’s not acceptable to you? How can you draw boundaries so that they understand that you love them, but there are certain things you are willing to accept and certain things that you are not. How can you express your core values to them? So it’s really about boundaries, right?
You’ve got to be very clear on your boundaries so that you know when someone crosses the line, you’ve got a mechanism in place to protect yourself from that. And I don’t know your situation so it’s hard to be able to comment too specifically, but there are just some things that I’m willing to accept in my life from people. And some things that I’m not. I choose not to be around certain energy.
I have a boundary. I draw the line in the sand. And does it always go smoothly? Is it always received well? No, it’s not. But as long as you know that your boundaries are coming from the right place and that you’re not projecting your stuff onto them, okay? Your Shadow? Which I’m going to do a show on. Then that’s cool. We can all have boundaries, right? It’s okay to have an expectation of a person to be a certain way. We will have expectations. But we can’t be attached to the outcome of that expectation.
So determine your boundaries and see if you can practice crystal-clear communication with them and communicate that from a place of love.
And you’ve also got a question about Donald Trump. The majority of your family voted for this man who you don’t feel aligned with. And at a lot of your family gatherings, they spent praising his work, which you find difficult to be around. I’m going to leave you with a question because Donald Trump is exactly what the world needs right now. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be there, right? You might not agree with a lot of things he’s doing, but amongst that, there is going to be polarity, right? Donald Trump represents so much of what America was unwilling to look at within themselves. He’s a very shiny mirror, right? He’s forcing people to look at the things that they have repressed within themselves, and that doesn’t mean he’s a particularly nice person or you know, I’m not going to pass judgment on Donald. I think he’s doing a great freaking job at being himself right now, in this time in history. He’s showing up in a way that he thinks is the best way. It’s all perfect. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be president, right? The universe gives us what we need. Donald Trump, for whatever reason, is what we need. Whether you love him or not.
So what qualities are within Donald the trigger you? Have a think about it. What are the words within Donald that really trigger you? Could it be arrogance?
Might be. Now, if you get triggered by a word like “arrogance” or a trait within Donald, a specific trait. Let’s just work with arrogance for now. Well, how are you being arrogant in your life? Because there are over 4,000 human traits and we all have every single one of them, and we only get triggered by a specific trait when we don’t actually own that within ourselves. We are only triggered by things that we have disowned. So there’s something about Donald that you are not owning within yourself.
Everyone has every trait. It’s so important. It’s so liberating to know that. because then you go, “Oh my God, I am just like Donald”.
We are all human beings. We all have the same challenges, right? Donald’s in an incredibly tough position as the President of America, my Gosh, can you imagine what it’d be like to be president? Let alone be Donald with what he has to take every day? Can you find some empathy and compassion for this man? Can you send him love?
But most importantly, look at those qualities within Donald. Find out where you are, that quality in your life and often it’s the one quality which you swear to God that you do not have in you. That triggers you the most, but you do have it. So find out where you can see a time in your life where you have acted with that same trait, that same quality, and then you’ll go, “oh, okay. I’m no longer triggered by you, Donald, because I have owned that within myself.” And you can use this with all relationships. It’s so liberating, right? So there you go. I hope it helps with your family dinners.
Emily Kelly, “Please do a podcast on network marketing.” All right. Maybe one day I will, but I will just say I believe network marketing is the most powerful business model in the world and if you have an uncomfortable feeling about it, it just means you don’t understand it. It’s that simple. I can tell you from our My Wellness Essentials and our My Wellness Essentials teams, our doTERRA business, which this month we are aiming to hit a whole new level, which is very exciting. I can tell you it is phenomenal. It is so much fun on so many levels. It is so freaking challenging in terms of personal growth. Do not do network marketing if you’re not ready to grow as a person. Simple. It’s a personal growth business. You get to create financial freedom and grow as a person. Hello, who doesn’t want that? So yes, I will do a podcast on that one day, but I will just say now, if anyone’s sitting on the fence with a network marketing business, put aside any reservations you have, stay open and have a look.
There was so much beauty in this business model. It’s life changing. You can check out our doTERRA team, My Wellness Essentials, at mywellnessessentials.net. It’s pretty freaking awesome.
Alright, Sarah Swift. “Hello. I greatly admire your work. My question is, what role do you believe luck plays in life? Do you believe in being in the right place at the right time? Thank you for all you do. Sarah.”
Do I believe in luck? Not so much luck. No, I believe that everyone has a path and you know, I’m still reconciling whether this is predestined to some degree. Predetermined. I don’t believe it is. I believe we are creating our lives in every moment with the way that we show up. I think that you create luck. You put yourself in the right place, at the right time. You show up. Was Justin Bieber just in the right place or the right time when he launched his YouTube clip of him on guitar? Well, to a degree. I mean it was the very beginning of that whole YouTube sensation thing. But he’s the one who sat down on his guitar and filmed himself and put it on YouTube. He’s the one who showed up. He created that moment.
I just believe it’s about creation. And my life always goes better when I create from a place of love, not from push. The last few weeks I’ve been uncomfortable because I’ve had so many things to get done that have been “push, push, push”, and sometimes you know what? We dig ourselves holes and we have to dig ourselves out. We just have to remember in the future when we’ve done that and we don’t repeat those same things. So I don’t know if that answers your question, but I do believe it’s really about showing up. It’s about creating your own luck.
Okay. Angela, “In a recent podcast with Melissa, you mentioned that something you’re currently working on is chewing your food more mindfully and completely.” Yes. “I was wondering if there was anything that you are Melissa personally working on at the moment in your relationship. Thank you for injecting your light into the world and for being of service. You are amazing.”
Thank you, Angela. I think you’re amazing and I’m not sure what the food question has to do with the other question, but let’s look at the other one. Is there anything that Melissa and I are personally working on at the moment in our relationship? Yes. Always, always. I would have to say it’s probably the same thing. It’s around staying open wide. Nothing good comes from closing. Being able to see that quicker and to open quicker. I think that is the secret to a beautiful relationship. I think we’re always working on that and from that stems, intimacy and so much beauty. So that’s how I would answer that question.
Amy Asks, “What is your perception of God, universe, source, however you identify with it, if at all?”
Okay. That’s an interesting question. I have answered this on the previous Q and A, so check out that answer there. And she also asks, “What was your recurrent issue in your healing so far, that was the toughest to shift? The one that kept reoccurring and your ego has had the biggest resistance to.”
I think it’s really a belief that I actually need to heal something. That is my biggest issue. I don’t want to overly simplify it, but believing that there is something to heal is what creates things that need to heal.
I’m working on that. That would be my biggest recurring issue.
Okay. So that my friends is part two of my Radical Honesty Series, answering your questions. I hope you found that enjoyable. I really enjoyed doing it. There was a lot more questions on that. So many more, but you know, I just don’t want to be here for too long. I make this too long an episode because they’re always longer. But look, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you’ve taken something out of that.
Please head into Spotify and add my music to your library, follow me as an artist. That would mean the world to me. Head into iTunes and leave me a radically honest review because that’s how I get so many ideas and I love, love, love hearing from you.
And last of all, please share this episode on social media and tag me @IamNickBroadhurst so I can say hello and say thank you. And remember today to look up. See the beauty around you. See the beauty within you. Be gentle with yourself. Be true to yourself. Be radically honest with yourself and others from a place of love. Listen to your intuition and as always, have a beautiful day, my friend. I love you heaps. Ciao.