If you have been listening to me for a while, you would have heard me say “we teach what we most need to learn.” Today this is most certainly the case. Going into each Monday when I sit down to record this show, I never really know what I am going to share with you. But this morning I knew because there was something I did that was so powerful, I had to get out of bed and record this for you.
Have you ever felt upset or emotional? Well, of course you have. Welcome to being human! Feeling what we need to feel is ok. We all have our own journey and we all move through things at different speeds. But what I have learned, the hard way is that being upset or emotional may be unavoidable at times, but the length of time you stay upset or emotional is a choice. There will be circumstances of tragedy where this will be different, but for the day to day things that pop in our relationships with our partner, friends, family or colleagues, this works an absolute treat.
Now, let me say this is not about repressing anything. That’s the last thing you want to do because repression creates dis-ease in the mind and body. It’s about dissolving the emotional charge at its source.
I want you to write this down…
See the other side.
Let me explain… whenever we are feeling upset or emotional, there is one thing we are not seeing. The other side. We need to change our perception of the situation from believing someone else is making you upset, by first taking ownership of our role in this situation because everything is a co-creation, but most importantly taking a very close look at the other side.
You know the old saying, “there are two sides to every story.” Well, it turns out to be very sage advice. Every situation has two sides. Let’s call one side plus and one side minus. Our emotions only become charged when we view a situation from an imbalanced one-sided perception. Dissolving the charge comes when we view the situation from both sides, the plus and minus. The support and challenge.
Love is not just the rose petal, it’s the thorn as well. Love is the sum of both sides. We can experience love in all situations when we embrace both sides.
Let me give you an example…
There is someone in my life who is holding a grudge against me. The circumstances or story really doesn’t matter because it is just that… story. We can only convince ourselves of a story where we play the hero and never the villain to be true when we have not seen the other side.
This person is clearly holding a lot of anger towards me, and for the most part, I have remained very neutral because it’s not my story. I can see the part that I have played, but this morning I woke up and was feeling a bit frustrated by it. Very quickly I held an image of this person in my mind, felt into their state, and could see straight away that they are hurting.
Even if my actions did inadvertently cause some pain for them, they would still receive benefit from that pain because there is always a positive and negative. But if they choose to only see the pain, they quickly become the victim or hero in their story, and me the villain. What they don’t see is that I am also the hero in this situation, as they are the villain.
Nothing I have done is right, and nothing I have done is wrong. It just is, what is. Neutral. That’s how the universe is set up, to be perfectly balanced in all situations.
When I saw their pain (which is coming from lots of different things, not just this situation), immediately the emotion dissolved because I was no longer viewing the situation from one side. My side.
Instead of me running stories through my mind like…
“How could they say these things about me?”
“Why are they so angry?
“Can’t they see my true intentions?”
I can spend that time stopping the story and seeing the other side. When someone is trying to hurt you, they are simply seeking unity with you. Which means they are hurt. That doesn’t mean you have to accept the behaviour and expose yourself to it. You can draw a line in the sand and choose what is acceptable and aligned with your core values.
And you know the funny thing about this episode? Right in the middle of this, I had to hit pause and tend to somewhat of an emergency with our home renovation. I was given the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach (well, I don’t like preaching but you know what I mean).
In a nutshell, I had a call to say that the beautiful marble stone that we had lovingly shipped from Greece to Sydney and Sydney to Noosa, to use in our kitchen benches, had arrived and as they started working on it, the stone started exploding. Of course, no one wants to take responsibility for this. Not the stonemason, the kitchen manufacturer or the stone wholesaler. But what I am left with is a big pile of very expensive rubble and a big delay in our renovation.
At first, I felt like a victim. How could it be, that me, the client, who has employed these professionals to deliver my vision, should then turn around and say it’s not their fault? But very quickly when I just stopped to consider each person’s perspective, I could see why they felt the way they felt, and the emotional charge faded very quickly. What could have been a very stressful situation, has become just another problem-solving activity with no charge. Well, the only charge is from my bank account.
I can’t change how that person is choosing to view me. That’s their journey. But I can see both sides, dissolve the emotion and simply send them love and be open always to a resolution when they are ready.
There is no pleasure without pain, no negatives without positives. Right now, regardless of what you are feeling, you are only ever experiencing both sides. You can’t experience one side, but you can feel the consequences of choosing to only see one side.
I would love to hear from you, so please tag me @iamnickbroadhurst on social media. Please also leave me a comment below (I read every single one!). And if you could take a minute to leave me a review on iTunes I would be very grateful. Tell me what you want more of! I am at your service.