My Depression Confession

It’s 3:41am on New Years Day, 2018. I can’t sleep. Out of nowhere comes this compulsion to get out of bed and just get super real with you on Instagram Stories. This is the moment I shifted my state from focusing on myself to my Self… to being of service. This is the moment that BROAD NEW WORLD was born, and it was all captured live. I never intended to make this available to the public for ever, but how can i talk about being ope, being vulnerable, if I don’t share this with you again.
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Welcome back to The Nick Broadhurst Show. I’m your host, Nick Broadhurst, and you can catch all of my podcasts, my music, music videos, blog posts, everything that I do at www.iamnickbroadhurst.com. And you can catch my music everywhere that you listen to music, including Spotify. And if you go to www.iamnickbroadhurst.com/spotify it will redirect you to my artist profile.

And that song you were listening to is a song called Status Quo, and for pretty much all of 2017, last year, I was very much stuck in my own self-created status quo. What I’m going to share with you now is the audio from a video that I shot at 3:41 a.m. on New Year’s Day 2018; about four weeks ago.

This video was a huge part of how I broke out of my own status quo. It’s around midnight and something has snapped within me, something has totally changed. The minute that the clock hits midnight I can feel a shift. I’m lying in bed and there’s this burst of inspiration to create this podcast. I could see it all so clearly, there was no way I was gonna sleep.

This was a totally new idea for me, but there it was, all laid out. Five episodes per week. The Nick Broadhurst Show. And I just had to get out of bed and film a video to share what I was feeling, on Instagram stories. This video captures the moment that I shifted my state, from focusing on myself, to focusing on Self, with a capital ‘S’. To being of service.

This is the moment that The Nick Broadhurst Show was born. And I never really intended to make this available to the public forever, it was a snapshot in time on Instagram stories that would only last for 24 hours. But how can I talk about being open, about being vulnerable, if I don’t share this with you again.

Well, it’s clearly well past my bedtime. Which may have something to do with the copious amounts of very dark, raw chocolate that I ate. Probably. But, I’ve been lying in bed and looking at my beautiful queen lying next to me and I realized, man, I didn’t deliver to her the experience that she deserved in 2017. She deserved a husband who was more, and what’s interesting is I was trying to think like why did I spend most of the year suffering.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, I had a pretty freaking tough year. I call it my spiritual crisis. It’s a nice way of saying I felt freaking depressed. I’m not scared of that word because it’s just a label. The way I see it is more of a purging of everything I thought that I was. Physically burning off, spiritually burning off, emotionally burning off. A lot of shit to be honest. Shit from this life, maybe shit from a past life. Who knows.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. It was an experience that I obviously had to have, because I’ve had a pretty freaking charmed life. And the life I live now is not worthy of suffering, it’s just not. I have the most amazing wife, I do what I love every day. I have people like you write me beautiful messages about the work that I do and my music. I have a stunning son. I don’t have to think about money. Life is freaking charmed.

And let’s just be radically honest here, it’s beautiful that we celebrate all the beautiful moments on Instagram. I’ve got no problem with that. But I think a bit of radical honesty is something I would like to bring into 2018. So when I say something like, “I don’t have to worry about money,” it’s just being honest. Why can’t we talk about this stuff? Seriously.

I’m not boasting, I’m just saying I had no reason to struggle in 2017, yet I did big time. It was as if the universe was delivering to me the polar experience of what I’d had in life up to that time. I never experienced anything remotely close to a depression.

And I labeled it as depression. That was my choice. But the reality is, it was a letting go of Nick, a letting go of everything that I thought I was. It was a purging, a burning off. I physically have burnt off the residue of the man that I was, in order to become the man that I can be. And I haven’t been anything close to what I could’ve been. Certainly not enough in my view, for my wife and my son.

But we learn, we forget, we learn, we forget, we learn. But I’m hoping I don’t forget this lesson because that’s one of the reasons I wanted to make this video. What is the point of having these experiences if we don’t share with each other, if we’re not real with each other. If we can’t transcend the lenses of perfection that come through social media.

Let’s just be real with each other. That’s my goal anyway. I’ve got no expectations of you, but my expectation of myself is to be real, really freaking real. To call it as it is. So 2018 for me is a year which represents honesty, openness, transparency. And when asked tonight, someone asked me at dinner, “What do you want to be remembered for?” And I said, “I wanna be remembered as that guy who lived from here.”

Now it’s funny isn’t it, because the logo, my logo, the Broadhurst logo is a freaking red, geometric heart; is no coincidence. My mission when I first started releasing my music was clearly articulated as me wanting to connect people with their hearts, through my music. Yet I freaking struggle with that. I mean, that is the human experience, right? The journey from here to here is the longest journey you’ll ever make. We teach what we most need to learn.

But this year is my year where I begin to embody that desire to live from the freaking heart. Everything I do this year will be designed around that goal. So I can feel it for myself, and so that it may be a spark, a catalyst, an ignition point that also enables you to make the journey from here to here more regularly.

So I wanted to wish you a beautiful 2018. You are so fu*king amazing. Don’t forget it, because I forgot how amazing I was for many, many months this year. But you my friend, are fu*king amazing. And I love you and this year is going to be fantastic.

Wow! Well, it’s out there now. There’s no going back. But I must say, I feel almost my most comfortable, being vulnerable. I love it. It’s like sitting in my truth every day. So cool.

And I think this episode is also a lesson in taking action. You know, I started The Nick Broadhurst Show just 24 hours after shooting this video, and here we are. As of today, well over 100 five star reviews. It’s been listed in the top charts and it’s become a huge part of my life. And really, a huge part of the daily lives of thousands and thousands of people around the world; which is super humbling.

But this has nothing to do with me. All this information is stuff that you already know, I’m just here to remind you. That’s it. I’m just a messenger. So I wanna ask you, what is bubbling away inside of you?  What have you not expressed? Maybe now is the time.

And remember, look up. Life is so freaking beautiful. Be love. Be gentle to yourself. And as always, have a beautiful day. I love you heaps.

I would love to hear from you, so please tag me @IAmNickBroadhurst on social media, and use the hashtag #TheNickBroadhurstShow, or leave me a comment below (I read every single one!). And if you could take a minute to leave me a 5 star review on iTunes I would be very grateful.

2 Comments

    • Hi Nick, just wanted to say thank you for being so honest, open and vulnerable which inspires us all to do the same within our own lives.

      Aleynne
      February 8, 2018
      • Pleasure treasure :)

        B R O A D H U R S T
        February 8, 2018
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